Month: November 2015
How Do I Escape the Trap of Pornography in My Life?
This article originally appeared on Familylife.com.
These five steps will help you break free.
Pornography has become one of the most destructive forces in our culture today. Never has it been so widespread … and never has it been so easy to find.
What we would call “hard-core pornography”—the more explicit images, videos, or descriptions of erotic behavior—has grown rapidly during the last two decades. In the past, pornography was available only at stores or through the mail. But the pornography industry is often the first to take advantage of new media technology—and now with cable television, DVDs, cell phones, iPods, and especially the Internet, it is easier than ever to find, and harder than ever to resist.
Internet pornography has earned itself a reputation for being the crack cocaine of sexual addiction. “It works so quickly and it’s so instantly intense,” says Dr. Robert Weiss of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. “We’re seeing a whole population of clients who have never had a history with the problem, but for the first time, they’re beginning one particular activity and getting hooked.”1
Jesus said in Matthew 6:22-23, “The lamp of the body is the eye; if therefore your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.” This is a perfect description of what happens when you choose to view pornographic material—it brings darkness into your body.
Pornography takes something that is beautiful when it occurs between a married man and woman and makes it dirty. God created the act of sexual union as a special gift for a husband and wife. It is a celebration of love that strengthens a marriage and builds oneness.
But pornography twists and perverts the beauty and biblical design of God’s creation. The focus on sensual pleasure becomes such a powerful drug that it destroys all that is important in the rest of their lives. It leads men and women to look at each other as nothing more than sex objects. It causes them to fantasize about sexual relationships with other people, and that’s a terrible blow to their marital commitment.
Whenever ®FamilyLife Today airs a program on this subject, the letters and emails we receive confirm that pornography can tear apart a home, and it can tear apart a person’s soul. Here are a few examples:
“Before we were married, my husband had confessed that he was into pornography “somewhat”, but it stopped once our relationship grew. I found out that wasn’t the end of it. A few months back I was heartsick to find almost 100 photos of graphic nature on my computer. A lot happened since then, a confrontation, many fights, but the hardest for me has been the lost of trust and feeling I truly was my husband’s best friend and fantasy. It hurts a lot and I don’t see how our relationship will ever be the same or I can have that total trust in his character and integrity again.”
“Please pray for deliverance. I am a Christian that is addicted to pornography, especially on the web. Pray that God would give me the power to withstand under the temptation and be victorious. I know that this is hurting my marriage.”
“Your broadcast on pornography over the last two days has had a profound affect on me. I was amazed at the accurate description of how pornography affects your whole being. The last 18 months have been the worst because of the easy access I had to pornography on the Internet. I progressed to the point where I would spend hours at a time to find pictures that would stimulate me. Just as with a drug addict, it took more and more pornography to satisfy my addiction. I began to push my wife away in many direct and indirect ways. I would delay going outside to play with my six-year-old son because I was on the Internet …
“My wife gradually spent more and more time with her best girlfriend across the street because I was emotionally dead inside. The life had literally been sucked out of me. I felt as though my ability to think clearly was greatly affected. I had trouble repeating phone numbers because I was consumed with guilt and shame. I gradually lost respect for my wife as a person. It was almost impossible for us to carry on a conversation. These changes occurred so gradually that I did not realize it was the pornography that was affecting me.”
These are just a few examples of the frustration, shame, and guilt that habitual use of pornography brings to a life. Sin can be alluring, and can bring temporary pleasure, but in the end sin will destroy you. James 1:14-5 says, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” Sometimes pornography is described as a “victimless crime,” but in reality you are a victim, your wife is a victim, and your marriage is a victim.
Breaking Free From the Trap
If you want to break free from the sexual sin and lust fueled by pornography, the first thing you need to realize is that you can’t do it in your own power. You need the presence of God in your life. In fact, if you have never understood what it means to be a Christian, and how you can know God personally, please read this clear presentation of the gospel. It will be the most important decision of your life.
If you know Christ lives within you, here are some suggested steps for dealing with the trap of pornography:
Step One: Confess Your Sin
When you try to keep such sin secret, your spirit will become increasingly troubled. Remember the comment from one of the e-mails above, where one man said he became “emotionally dead” and that life was “sucked out of me”? Compare those words to those of King David in Psalm 32:3-4:
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.
David realized he could not go on until he confessed his sin to God:
I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’; And You forgave the guilt of my sin” (Psalm 32:5).
On one hand, confession is simply agreeing with God about sin in your life. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” When you look at those pictures or images to stimulate you sexually, you are committing adultery in your heart. When you confess this to the Lord, you simply say, “Yes, I was lusting after that woman. I sinned against You, Father.”
You may be thinking, “I’ve done that. But nothing changed.” That’s because, when faced with a deep-rooted sin such as this—one that has involved numerous poor choices over a period of time—your confession must come with a broken heart that shows that you are repentant—ready to turn away from your sin. Repentance means “to turn around.” When you have a habit of sin in your life, it is like getting in a car and driving away from God. When you repent, you stop moving away from God and turn around to face Him, and through His power start moving toward Him again.
Repentance is a sorrow that comes from realizing that you have offended the very holiness of God. You must be willing to turn away from your sin and toward the life God wants for you. If you are going to deal with your sin successfully, repentance is essential.
What does God do when you come to Him with an attitude of brokenness and repentance? He offers forgiveness and cleansing. 1 John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” You may not be freed from the desire to commit this sin again, but you can be freed from the crushing weight of guilt and shame.
At some point, you also need to confess to your wife. You shouldn’t tell her all the sordid details of your sin and entrapment by pornography. But if you don’t confess your sin to her and ask for her forgiveness, the air will never be clear between you and your relationship will not grow and prosper as it could.
You may be thinking, “I could never share these things with my wife.” It will be the hardest thing you ever do and one of the most courageous. Steven Fetrow writes, “Confession may lead to a period of profound pain and disappointment, but without full disclosure, the marriage cannot be authentic and will never become the type of relationship that God desires for us.”2
Step Two: Make no provision for the flesh
In Romans 13:14 Paul tells us, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” Having acknowledged your sin of lust, and admitting your weakness, you need to devise a strategy for reducing the temptation of pornography.
Not only do you need to remove every trace of pornography from your home or office, but you also should take practical steps to put barriers between you and any sources. If magazines or books are a temptation, stay away from the stores where you purchase pornography. If you’ve been watching erotic movies on cable or satellite television, downgrade your service to eliminate the offending channels … or get rid of the service altogether if necessary. When you travel start staying in hotels that can block or turn off the pay-per-view movies in a given room. Ask the desk clerk to do that before you enter your room.
If you are involved in computer porn, you may need to change your Internet service provider, your e-mail address, and even your credit card so that porn sites cannot contact you. Find a blocking or screening program or even an ISP that screens Web sites. If you have used a computer at the office to view pornography, then ask about getting a screening system for the office.
Move your computer into an open area of the house. Tell your wife or children to come and ask you what you are doing on the computer anytime they want to. You can also teach someone in your house to check the history in your Web browser.
No matter what you do, you won’t be able to avoid seeing sensual images altogether. When you find yourself looking at something involuntarily, follow the advice of 2 Timothy 2:22, to “flee youthful lusts.” You must run from pornography as if you are running from a rabid dog.
Step Three: Find an accountability partner
You need a godly man who will walk with you through this battle for your purity. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion, but woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” Fighting a battle is easier when you don’t have to do it alone.
Accountability is a scriptural principle that tells us to ” … be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). This means you choose to submit your life to the scrutiny of another person in order to gain spiritual strength, growth and balance.
If you do not go to your pastor first, I recommend that you do so immediately after making open confession to the Lord. He is spiritually responsible to pray for you and teach you God’s truth. If he is the man of God he should be, he will gladly pray for and with you, and exhort you in your spiritual growth.
Ask your accountability partner check with you anytime, day or night, about what you have been doing on the computer. Tell him to ask what you watched while you were traveling. Call your wife each night from the hotel room.
Step Four: Build biblical truth into your life
If you’ve been filling your mind with pornographic images, chances are that you have not been spending much time reading God’s Word. Begin spending time every day reading the Bible, chapter by chapter. Start with a book you like to read—the Gospel of John or the gospel of Matthew, or maybe even Genesis. Expose yourself to large portions of God’s Word.
I also encourage you to read one chapter from Psalms and one chapter from Proverbs each morning before you begin your workday. After reading Psalms and Proverbs, spend ten minutes or more in prayer. If you find a particular verse that ministers to you, then use it in your prayer as you ask the Lord to strengthen and protect you throughout the day. Set a time and place to read those two chapters and spend time in prayer every day. If you are not sure how to get started, ask your pastor or a godly friend to talk to you about it. You may not feel comfortable the first few times, but God is not judging your performance anyway. He is only interested in meeting with you, one-on-one. Try this for a month, and I’ll bet you want to continue it at the end of the month.
If there is any way, get involved in a Bible study with other men. If you get the chance, attend a Bible conference with your wife or with the men in the Bible study. As you look for these opportunities to build truth into your life, you may have to look outside your own church. You are fighting for your life and that of your family, so don’t be afraid to search beyond your normal sphere of activities.
Step Five: Begin to rebuild your marriage
Your wife may not be able to respond openly to you at first. She needs time to heal. But one thing you can start doing right now is to begin praying with her. It may be embarrassing, it may feel awkward, or it may even be frightening, but do it anyway. Your wife needs to hear you pray and she needs to hear you pray for her. There are few things in a marriage that can draw your wife to you and to your heart like prayer.
FamilyLife offers a number of conferences and resources to help you reduce the isolation you are experiencing in your marriage. Our Weekend to Remember® conferences may be the best place to start the rebuilding process. At some point, you also should become involved in a small group using a study from HomeBuilders Couples Series®. We can help you find out if there is a group in your area of the country.
God will honor each small step of obedience you take. He has the power to change your heart … to help you experience the joy of a cleansed heart … to wash away your sin and guilt and shame … and to help you experience oneness again with your wife.
Copyright © 2006 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.
Footnotes:
- “Dangers and Disappointments,” Ryan Hosley and Steve Watters, Pureintimacy.org
2. “Bold Next Steps, Steven Fetrow, Pureintimacy.org
Retrieved on November 3, 2015
The six most important things to do after learning that your husband has a pornography addiction
1. Physical self-care is probably the most overlooked aspect of early recovery for women. Trauma is mostly experienced in the body. The body is designed to protect us from danger. If an individual experiences a serious threat to their safety (emotional or physical), their body will become tense, flooded with adrenaline, and have difficulty calming down. To ignore the body is to ignore one of the greatest resources for healing. I have found that women who make physical self-care a priority heal much faster from the impact of their husband’s secretive behaviors. Many women find that getting more sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, meditating, stretching, soaking in warm water, and slowing down to nurture their physical body can help them shift out of survival mode so they can think clearly.
2. Spiritual grounding provides feelings of peace, hope, and reassurance in the face of so much uncertainty. Meditation, prayer, seeking comfort and counsel from words of ancient and modern prophets, and counseling with church leaders allows women access to power and strength beyond their own. Seeking a priesthood blessing from a home teacher, family member, or church leader is another powerful source of comfort and strength for many partners. Some women feel forsaken by God when they’ve been betrayed by those closest to them. Spiritual healing is essential, even if it takes time. Some women find it hard to attend church and spend time with others when they feel so low and vulnerable. If this is difficult, remember that being around others can be healing even if you don’t reach out and share. Also, it can help to spend time where spiritual feelings are easier to access, such as visiting peaceful locations in nature or listening to uplifting music.
3. Emotional expression is critical throughout all stages of recovery, but especially in the early stages. Many women find it helpful to write their feelings in a new journal that they have the option of throwing away at a later date. Emotions can be so strong early in this process that some women worry about putting raw feelings in their regular journal. It’s important to have the freedom to express feelings in a healthy, non-aggressive way. Recognize that no feeling is inappropriate. Feelings come and go like the waves of sea, so it’s important to give them full expression and movement. Holding on to any strong emotion with the hope that it will disappear only keeps it stuck. Talking with others can also help, which is explained in the next item.
4. Connecting to others who can help is also difficult to do, but offers tremendous benefits. It’s not recommended that a woman who learns about her husband’s behavior broadcast her pain to just anyone who will listen. Instead, it’s important to identify a few key individuals who: 1) will keep confidences, 2) can provide a safe place to talk, 3) won’t negatively judge her or her husband, and 4) can offer some support and direction. It can be beneficial for the long-term stability of the relationship for a woman to inform her husband that she will be speaking to specific individuals about her struggles. Helpful individuals often include ecclesiastical leaders, therapists, parents or siblings, 12-Step support groups, therapy groups, and close friends.
5. Simplifying life is certainly a goal for most people, but this is an excellent reason to begin. This is the ideal opportunity to begin saying “no” to extra commitments, evaluating the schedule, and looking for things to cut out. Dealing with the trauma of betrayal is so physically and emotionally exhausting that everything that used to feel easy will suddenly feel impossible. It’s important to keep a simple structure in place so there is order and predictability in life. However, a frenzied pace only functions as a distraction and eventually catches up in the form of more hopelessness, feelings of failure, and powerlessness. Helping others can create a sense of purpose as well. It is better to slow down and prioritize those things that will bring the greatest peace, joy, and comfort.
6. Education is critical in the early stages of recovery. There are many good resources available to help women understand the scope of the problem. I maintain a readings list for partners available on my resources page of http://www.LifeSTARstgeorge.com. Education can help validate common feelings and clear up misconceptions about addiction and recovery. One of the best resources available to partners is the book “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse” by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means.
Long-term Healing
Healing from the effects of a husband’s pornography addiction is best compared to grief, loss, and bereavement. The discovery of a partner’s secret sexual behavior can cause a woman’s life (as she knew it) to flash before her eyes. Recovering from this loss is a process of understanding the shock and anger, processing the sadness of what was lost, and moving toward acceptance of the new life. The new life may or may not include a husband who is committed to long-term recovery. Regardless of that outcome, it’s still critical for women to do the long-term work of healing from the impact of secret pornography use.
This material is taken from the article The Effect of Pornography on the Spouse of an Addict by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
Source: http://salifeline.org/article/effects-of-pornography-on-a-spouse/help-for-spouses
How to Recover from Your Husband’s Pornography Addiction
Another article I found online that needed to be shared. The original author is:
Fred Stoeker. Find out more about him at http://www.fredstoeker.com
READ ON:
When a wife discovers her husband is hooked on pornography, she’s instantly tossed into an unintended journey by a blistering sense of betrayal. My wife Brenda shares about a similar journey in The Healing Choice, co-written with Susan Allen:
Any wife who is enduring the pain of a husband’s porn addiction is experiencing the most shattering, deep kind of pain she may ever encounter. One day her marriage seems normal, and the next perversion seems to have broken out everywhere. She hasn’t a clue how to find her way out, and is likely unprepared for the crushing pain of betrayal that has her buried deep in an emotional wasteland. What happens if she doesn’t have what she needs to pull through and get her heart back?
Once that storm crashes in and she realizes she doesn’t have the knowledge she needs about her husband’s sin, or the connection with God that she requires to handle this kind of trauma, she must immediately begin to learn and to build up her own intimacy with God, just like I did in the middle of my grief. She must choose to move in to God with all of her heart. That’s the key.
Steps to Recovery
Perhaps you’ve begun a similar journey. If so, what immediate actions can you take to move in closer to God? Obviously, you must dive deeply into prayer and into the Word. On my wife Brenda’s journey, she began praying at the top of every hour for five minutes, transforming her spirit. She found the stress made it difficult for her to remember the Scripture she needed for support, so she wrote out the verses on sticky notes and posted them all over the house to keep his Word alive throughout her day. Get creative and run to him with all of your heart. As you run, be careful to do these three things as well:
1. Get Knowledgeable About Male Sexuality
When your husband turns to porn for sexual pleasure, it’s common to blame yourself for it all. Don’t. At its root, it isn’t about sex at all, so it isn’t about your attractiveness or the extra 20 pounds you’re carrying since the baby, or what you do or don’t do in bed. Trust me. You have what it takes sexually, so don’t worry. He’s the issue—not you.
Of course, you must believe this inside and out, so get knowledgeable. Start by reading Brenda’s book, Every Heart Restored, which includes nine chapters on male sexuality. You’ll soon recognize that your husband’s sexual sin likely spawned from past wounds inflicted upon him long before he ever met you—wounds that taught him to use his sexuality as a crutch to medicate the emotional pain in his life. Such knowledge changes everything, freeing your heart to move more quickly from judgment to mercy, which is exactly where God wants it to be.
Don’t get me wrong. Your frustration and anger at the betrayal are natural, and you needn’t feel guilty about it. In action, porn and masturbation are betrayal, stabbing at the female heart and crushing marital oneness. It must stop. But in motive, it’s rarely betrayal. Let me explain.
When I engaged my battle for purity as a young husband, I soon had my eyes retrained to bounce away from the sensual imagery around me, and quickly learned to take lustful thoughts captive. I figured these victories would eliminate all traces of sexual sin, but the masturbation habit retained its grip on me. I couldn’t understand it.
At the time I was in full-commission sales, which meant that if I sold nothing, my kids ate nothing. That’s pressure, so on many nights I tucked my kids into bed, gave Brenda a kiss and headed off late to my office to prepare for the next day. That’s where the masturbation occurred.
Why was this happening? I loved Brenda, and our sex life was wonderful. My actions surely betrayed her, but my motives were pure. I wasn’t chasing sexual betrayal.
When I looked more closely at those late nights, I noticed a pattern. I always felt lonely and disconnected, and as the hours wore on, my sense of stress would multiply. I hadn’t yet learned to trust God with financial pressure, or to lean on him as a son. I could only hear the haunting cries of my childhood, sneering that I just didn’t have what it takes to succeed out there or to stand at my dad’s side in the world of men. I just didn’t measure up in his eyes, and because of my job stress, I seriously doubted whether I’d ever measure up in my own eyes, either.
That’s where the masturbation came in. Somewhere along the way, I’d “learned” that masturbation provides a very real sense of intimacy and connection, and that orgasm gives a guy a strong sense of manhood, dominance, and control, even though it’s fleeting. That’s a pretty strong draw for a frightened man who feels like a loser night after lonely night.
In truth, I didn’t have a sexual sin issue after all. I had a financial trust issue, and a desire to reassert some control over my stressful life. The masturbation was only a symptom, something I used to medicate my pain instead of allowing God to heal it. When I changed my focus from the masturbation to my lack of my intimacy with God, I soon began turning to him in prayer during those moments of fear and temptation instead. The masturbation soon vanished on its own.
2. Relish Your Role as Helpmate
Your role is to lift your husband to Christian greatness and oneness with God, whatever that may entail. Of course, your motives are everything. If your motives are love, you’ll remember his wounds and speak from an encouraging perspective instead of harshly speaking in ways that tear and destroy. Memorize 1 Corinthians 13, and continually assess your motives from this foundation of love.
As you approach your role, what behaviors can you expect to see in your husband if he is truly committed to change? First of all, he’ll be open and honest about his sin, and will share any level of detail necessary to help you heal. If he stumbles again, he won’t wait for your interrogation to reveal it. He will immediately come to you to tell you. All lying will stop.
Second, he’ll be very patient as you heal, which is a sign of deep repentance. He’ll know that since he created the mess, he’s the one who must clean up the mess, no matter how long it takes.
Third, he’ll perform trustworthy acts regularly. He’ll eagerly read the books you give him, like Every Man’s Battle. He won’t wait for you to place the computer in a high-traffic area and purchase the filters. He’ll seek out accountability relationships with other men, and will regularly ask you for other ways he might help rebuild your trust.
If these aren’t happening, bring them up to him. Your voice is critical in his life. Refuse to be muzzled.
3. Develop Close Friends on Your Journey
You may find it difficult to talk to other wives about your husband’s sin, but it’s urgent to develop friendships for support on this confusing journey. Push through these feelings until you’ve found true Christian community, that life-giving connection that’s part of healthy support groups.
After learning of her husband Clay’s addiction to porn, Susan Allen restored her heart in this kind of community through the help of other hurting sisters in Christ. Before long, Susan began leading her own groups and soon created a nonprofit organization called Avenue that distributes support group curricula and provides mentoring help to group leaders through their volunteer staff in California. If you can’t find friends locally, join a small group community via 800-number. Simply contact Susan’s volunteer staff at women@avenueresource.com.
Fred Stoeker is founder of Living True Ministries and author of best-selling books Every Man’s Battle and Every Young Man’s Battle.
Connect online at http://www.fredstoeker.com.
Source: http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2013/december/how-to-recover-from-your-husbands-pornography-addiction.html
Healing Concepts for Wives Impacted by Pornography
This is an article I found online, but the content was good enough to share here, on my blog.
The author of the article below is: Jill C. Manning, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
READ ON:
As a marriage and family therapist who works with women directly impacted by pornography, I am continually struck by the profound damage it causes.
Although downplayed and dismissed by many, pornography consumption by a spouse is devastating and should not be underestimated in terms of the far-reaching consequences it has on trust, intimacy, family life, children, finances, the marital friendship, and, in a growing number of cases, the existence of the marriage itself. Aside from abuse, I know of no other marital issue that affects the very soul of women more than pornography consumption by a spouse.
Too often, the discovery or disclosure of a pornography problem in marriage causes women to slip into unhealthy comparisons; to engage in inappropriate behavior themselves; or to spiral downward into depression, self-doubt, and in some cases, even suicidal thinking. These responses, although unhelpful, are understandable when the magnitude of damage, betrayal, and hurt are understood. Pornography, by nature and name, diminishes virtue, love, creativity, healthy sexuality, personal and relational growth, and honesty. Consequently, responding to pornography problems in marriage requires that we be exceptionally honest and clear about what pornography is, what it is not, how it has impacted our relationship and self-concept, and what is the best way to respond.
The following three concepts, among many others, have been helpful for women to incorporate into their healing and decision-making process:
- Clarify the Motivation. In many cases, pornography use is more about seeking an escape or mood-altering effect than it is about sex itself. Although pornography use often starts out as a youthful curiosity about sex, in most cases it develops into a way of escaping certain emotions and stressors. Looking at pornography can even be used to self-medicate depression and anxiety and to self-soothe loneliness or poor self-esteem. Understanding this can help cut through the faulty belief that being more sexual with a pornography user will reduce consumption, or that if someone is using pornography, his or her spouse must not be sexually available or attractive. In addition, understanding the non-sexual motivations behind pornography use can help a woman understand that her partner would have likely turned to pornography regardless of whom he married and that his pornography use is not a commentary on her attractiveness (even though it feels like an attack). Erroneous assumptions about the motivations around pornography use not only promote misplaced blame and shame, but also detract from holding the consumer responsible for choosing to deal with life’s problems in maladaptive and harmful ways.
- Beware of Comparing Reality to Fantasy. Many women will tell me they feel insecure and intimidated when they compare themselves to the pornography stars their husband lusts after. There are two issues here: (1) the destabilizing hurt caused by a husband’s infidelity and (2) the dynamic of comparing oneself to someone who has prostituted herself in a pornographic scene. Let’s look at the second part of this assumption. Many women believe they don’t measure up to what their husband is neurotically and narcissistically seeking out because they think the porn stars represent a sexual ideal. This is one of the biggest lies pornography invites women to believe. Most pornography stars have histories of sexual abuse, drug use or addiction, mental health problems, failed relationships, cosmetic surgery, and/or sexually transmitted diseases. In short, the only thing that is modeled in pornography is sexual brokenness and spiritual disconnection. Men who recover from a pornography habit also come to this realization and ironically begin to “see” the beauty of their spouse as what they desire and need.
- Ignore Comments That Invalidate the Seriousness of This Problem, and Seek Out People Who Understand the Issue.When a woman takes the risk to share this marital problem with a trusted friend or family member, it is not uncommon for her to encounter statements such as, “Boys will be boys,” “All guys are into porn,” or “At least he isn’t cheating on you.” Comments such as these not only demoralize and invalidate, but they also reflect a lack of understanding about the addictive potential this habit has and the impact pornography use has on relationships. Pornography use represents a serious breach of the marital bond and pulls sexual energy away from an intimate relationship. It is important to ignore comments that dismiss or invalidate the seriousness of this issue and to actively seek out the opinions and support of individuals who understand this issue well. As a woman sifts through the constraining and erroneous beliefs that compound the pain associated with a spouse’s pornography use, she is better able to make healthy decisions and take steps that will facilitate healing. Although it is troubling to consider that an increasing number of women are facing this issue in their marriage, it is reassuring to know there are also a growing number of resources to support women and families dealing with this issue. With our continued support, the Lighted Candle Society will not only be able to help women get the support they need, but also be able to continue its unique fight against the pornography industry at large.
Article original source: https://overcomingpornography.org/spouses-and-families/articles/healing-concepts-for-women-impacted-by-pornography?lang=eng
The Quiet Cancer 