You may ask yourself this question. However, you may be asking the wrong question…
Your behaviors are not the source of the problem… it is your thoughts…
One of the first steps to recovering from an addiction is to correct negative ways of thinking and faulty or wrong belief systems.
In CBT, these are called negative schemas. Changing how we think causes us to change what we believe. Changing what we believe results in changes to our behaviors. In my work with pornography addicts, one common goal is the attempt to repair and/or rebuild my clients’ worldview.
The following are ways of thinking that fuel [and perpetuate] sexual addictions. Which of the following do you believe and tell yourself often?
- Normal sexual behaviors and desires are wrong.
- I am alone and no one will [or can] meet my needs.
- I must give in to sexual urges and desires they are too powerful for me to resist. [no choice]
- I am worthless, unlovable.
- I can only trust myself to meet my needs.
- My sexual needs are my most important needs.
- I am powerless to control my life. [I am not responsible for my actions]
- I am a dirty pervert.
- Others exist to meet my needs because I deserve it.
- Others entice me and I cannot help myself. [I am not responsible for my actions]
- Others are here for my pleasure.
- If no one sees [what I do], it does not matter.
- If no one knows [what I do] it cannot hurt them.
- I cannot live without sexual release.
- I cannot live without my addiction. [It is who I am]
- I am not hurting anyone by watching porn.
- It is nobody’s business what I do with my own body.
- I am not capable of handling my own life.
- I am unattractive, stupid, ugly, unlovable…
- I cannot be free…
If you believe any of the above statements, you are believing lies. Seek truth. Seek help.
Whether you are a Christian or not, you will eventually (if you haven’t already) realize that you do not have the strength to overcome your addiction on your own. I challenge everyone to Seek God for His help in this time; for He is the only true source of limitless help and strength. If you don’t know Him, you can… right now. Start Here:
9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. 13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (Romans 10:9-10; 13 NLT)
In addition to seeking the Lord, enlist the help of other people. Admit it. You have an addiction. If you could quit you already would have quit. You need help overcoming an addiction to pornography, and you need others to hold you accountable. You may need someone to show you the path to recovery. If so, please reach out to a local counselor/therapist with experience treating sexual addictions. Start your journey to freedom… today.
If you are looking for help recovering, and live in the Upstate of SC, consider reaching out:
I currently serve as Counseling Pastor for a church in the upstate of South Carolina. I hold a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Liberty University. I am awaiting my scheduled time to sit for the SC LMFT-I licensing exam.
It is my goal to help rebuild broken lives and families from the inside-out through awakening and fostering a relationship with Jesus Christ. I specialize in helping men recover from addictions to sex and pornography. I run a support group for recovering men on Wednesday nights at 6:30pm.