Addicted Women

Grace vs Guilt: Go and Sin No More

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When you become saved, you are saved by your faith alone, in the forgiveness and grace offered by Jesus Christ alone. These are the fundamental concepts of what is known in Christianity as the reformation, or the claim brought forth in the late 1500’s by a German monk named Martin Luther that countered the group think of the Roman Catholic Church, the thought that salvation could be purchased by financial contributions or works. Jesus Christ is who are you saved by, but what are you saved from?

You are saved from your sins against God, and the just penalty you would otherwise face without the intervening grace and mercy offered to you by Jesus Christ, God in the flesh. But what happens if you sin after you have been saved?

Can We be Sinless?

There’s a ton of debate on this question, that is: can humans be sinless? The short answer I subscribe to is: we won’t be sinless in this lifetime. Sin is so deeply rooted into the hearts of mankind that it seems it’d be impossible to escape it for now, and we certainly could not do so on our own strength.

It takes no time at all to think of the countless sins I’ve committed in my life, and the list isn’t what I would call ‘short’ since being rescued by Christ. The enemy of God, Satan, would love nothing more than to use these sins and the weight they carry to shame you and paralyze your growth in your relationship with Jesus. I know you hear the voice inside your head. It sounds a lot like your voice, telling you that you could never be sinless, you’re too lost, you’ve done too much wrong, and you should abandon any hope in God ever deeming you worthy. But the truth is, it has nothing to do with your worth, and everything to do with the worth of His Son, Jesus, who said your sins are “forgiven”. This is what makes you acceptable to God. That is ‘Grace’.

Romans 6: 1-2 – What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so grace may abound? By no means…

This is not a free pass to go on sinning. Jesus Christ said “Repent, and believe…”. There is a glaring requirement here besides just believing, and that is to repent. One who freely revels in their sins and gives no regard to their implications usually shows no fruit of a repentant believer in Christ Jesus. Contrarily, one who comes to hate their sins, mourns them when they occur, and strives daily to put the sin to death by praying for the Father’s help and spending time in the word will, in time, usually see the bondage of the accompanying guilt and shame broken, and the sin will hopefully be a distant memory. This process is called sanctification, or to be made holy.

The unfortunate part, for us, is because of the depth of the roots of sin we usually have to fight a war on many fronts. Lust for sex, porn, greed, excess, anger, dishonesty, infidelity, gluttony, envy, and our PRIDE are all faced daily in our culture. Sometimes the fight seems to already be lost before we even realize we are in the midst of battle.

Armor Up

We are told in Paul’s letter to Ephesus, to put on the ‘armor’ of God (Ephesians 6:11) to protect ourselves from the devil’s schemes. The devil will shower you with distraction, guilt, and shame when you’ve been called to follow Christ and still find yourself falling short of Christ Himself (Romans 3: 23). Remember the disciples, each of them with their flaws and faults, were still called by Jesus and sanctified over the course of their life as His followers.

The best way to armor up and protect yourself from the lies of the enemy are to read and pray daily. When you do this you will begin to intimately discover what kind of savior died for you, and His loving nature. One of the best illustrations we have in the Bible, while its origin is disputed, accurately depicts the loving and gracious nature of Jesus Christ when confronting a sinner, an adulteress more specifically. In John 8, after the hypocrites have dispersed and Jesus faces the adulteress, He doesn’t require her to be clean or without sin before He passes His judgment on her, nor does He ask her for some sort of work in return for salvation. He freely offers it to her.

He simply says, “Neither do I condemn thee. Go, and sin no more.”

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Compromised Leaders, Encouragement, God's Grace and Mercy, Ministers in bondage, Pornography is Addictive.

3 Ways to Tell If You’re Addicted to Masturbation

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Taken from an article found on the XXX Church Blog:

Addicted to masturbation??? Is that even possible?

[Yes], …masturbation can become a legitimate addiction, just like any behavior. I’m not intending to make a moral statement or provide a biblical guideline but rather to help you decide if you are addicted so you can seek healing.

Here are three practical ways to help you discern if you’re addicted to masturbation:

1) Are you using masturbation to alter your mood?

Masturbation is a quick fix. It’s free, accessible and easy. It’s the perfect drug. Understandably, men and women use it to medicate bad moods. Those warm fuzzy chemicals sure hit the spot!

There are more positive ways to sooth moods, for example, listening to calming music or having a hot bath after a lousy day. The difference with using masturbation to alleviate negative emotions is that the powerful chemicals and hormones involved set you up for compulsion and emotional repression, not to mention they can be a detriment your future or current sex life. These are powerful chemicals you’re playing with.

Take note of when you feel the urge. What has triggered you in the past? Did you feel stressed? Powerless? Rejected? Lonely? Tired? Anxious? Sometimes our sex drive is just being its thoughtful self and saying ‘Hey! It’s been a while since we’ve tried reproducing! I’m here to personally encourage you to today!’ (Thanks Sex Drive: maybe take note of the relationship status next time) However, there is often an underlying motivation: to feel good. Because you don’t already.

If you’re regularly masturbating in response to negative emotion, you may be addicted. Why? Because it reveals you’re not processing your emotions and indicates you’re living in some level of distress, making it the perfect opportunity to get hooked. Addiction loves pain. It is a faux salve for emotional wounds. But in reality, our vice, be it masturbation or otherwise, is infecting that wound that so desperately needs to be healed.

2) Do you feel like you can’t stop?

Perhaps one of the clearest signs of addiction is when you feel you can’t stop, even when you really want to. Pretty simple. You may white-knuckle it for a few weeks, but it always come crashing back into your life.

There’s a reason for this.

A sexual encounter (with someone else or on your own) instigates the release of a host of nice-feeling chemicals into your brain’s reward system. It’s an incredible gift from God when it’s not confused. It keeps humanity thriving and surviving. It releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin when you participate in a behavior that it believes ensures survival of the body or gene pool (hence why an orgasm feels so much better than mopping the floor or eating dirt). The reward pathways function is to remind the brain to do that thing again! Your body begins to make unconscious associations. When you feel poorly, it remembers how to give you a kick! A process begins deep in your brain which, unbroken, leads you right back to the behavior, because your brain is wired to seek the easiest route to pleasure.

3) Is your habit harming you or those around you?

A characteristic of any addiction is continuing despite harm. Harm can come in many forms: emotional, relational, physical, spiritual or criminal to name a few.

If you’re masturbating to the point of overuse or needing medical assistance, you may very well be addicted. This is nothing to be ashamed about. Doctors have seen it all.

Compulsive masturbation can lead to sexual dysfunction and less-than-ideal intimacy with your spouse. This is a very real harm that must be identified. More than physiological, this can affect your spouse emotionally. Are you masturbating to the detriment of your sex life?

Isolation is another harm to look out for.  Such retreat can be rooted in shame, anxiety or the lost ability to interact non-sexually. Perhaps you would rather be at home masturbating than socializing. Having an orgasm is easier than building real relationships. But only the latter will bear good fruit in the long run.

Masturbation is a very personal and complicated topic. It can be a response to sexual or emotional trauma, it can be a struggle that begins in early childhood, it can be accompanied by porn or voyeurism or nothing at all, and the line between “struggling with” and “addicted” can get blurry. There is a battlefield of opinions out there and it is so easy to slip into judgment and shame in this conversation.

Please know that, no matter what, you are known and cherished by the God of the universe, and the team at XXXchurch have resources to help you find freedom. You are not alone, and you need not feel ashamed. Recovery is so possible.

Original article source: https://www.xxxchurch.com/women/3-ways-tell-youre-addicted-masturbation.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social-post&utm_campaign=Social-Lead-Gen-X3church&utm_content=3-ways-tell-youre-addicted-masturbation&utm_term=twitter-followers

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Facts about Porn, Pornography is Addictive, The Effect of Your Addiction on Others, The Way Out, Understanding Your Addiction, Wives of Porn Addicts.

The Psychological Impact of Porn

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The excerpt below is taken from an article at the blog at [www.covenanteyes.com]

The Psychological Impact of Porn

In her hearing before the U.S. Senate, Dr. MaryAnne Layden asserted that when men spend so much time in “unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid, and cyberspace,” they find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.

Is this an overstatement, or does the research bear this out?

  • Researchers James Weaver, Jonathan Masland, and Dolf Zillmann have watched how after being shown only 26 photos and one six-minute video of attractive nude females exhibiting sexual behavior, men routinely rate their partner’s attractiveness lower.
  • Dr. Dolf Zillmann and Dr. Jennings Bryant have also observed how after watching only five hours of pornographic videos over six week period, both men and women experience a decrease in sexual satisfaction. Study participants said they felt less satisfied with their intimate partners’ physical appearance, affection, and sexual performance.
  • In a 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Research, for men, frequency of viewing pornography was correlated with a lower satisfaction with sex and relationships.
  • Neurologist Serge Stoleru has found that overexposure to erotic stimuli exhausts the sexually responses of healthy young men.
  • In a 2006 study among college men, Todd Morrison and other researchers concluded there was a significant correlation between exposure to Internet pornography and levels of sexual esteem.
  • In 2007, a study of more than 2,300 adolescents found a correlation between viewing Internet porn and greatly increased uncertainties about sexuality and the belief that women are sex objects.

How much more is this effect experienced today among men and women who routinely watch porn every week?

article source: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/01/31/can-married-couples-enjoy-pornography-together/?utm_campaign=Porn%20and%20Your%20Husband&utm_content=65040368&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Porn Stats, Pornography is Addictive, The Effect of Your Addiction on Others, Understanding Your Addiction, Wives of Porn Addicts.

Relentless Love of God

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This post is a “re-post” of a great article forwarded to me by a friend: 

Relentless Goodness

 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever (Psalm 23:6, ESV).

If you’re a follower of Jesus—if by faith you have turned from your sins and received His forgiveness—I have news for you.

God is after you.

IF YOU’RE A FOLLOWER OF JESUS, GOD IS STILL PURSUING YOU.

He’s still pursuing you. Wanting more of you. Hungry to make sure you’re experiencing every blessing that His Son died and rose again to give you, for His glory.

It doesn’t matter how defeated or discouraged you are today. He’s still after you. All that matters is that you are His. “My sheep hear my voice,” Jesus said, “and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). Is that you? Following Him? Not perfectly, of course, but following? Sometimes stumbling, but still getting up? And following? And trying again? And wanting to follow Him even better, even more?

Then God Himself is also following you. He’s on your trail. He’s after you. Promising you that your best days are still ahead of you, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done. Your greatest days of usefulness and service to God are still in the future, because “goodness” (defined as bounty and blessing) and “mercy” (lovingkindness and favor) will be on your heels and hunting you down every second of the time.

Can’t be true, you say . . .

Too many failures. “I’ve failed God too many times. No way am I on His first team anymore. I’ve blown it. I have areas in my life where I’ve never gotten victory. Even today I failed again. I’m on the shelf from here on out, and I know it.”

Too many years. “It’s too late for me. Too much water under the bridge. It’s fine for those who came to Christ as kids or in college or whatever. But I showed up late to the party. The best I can do is just sneak into a back corner of heaven.”

Too many others. “I don’t have any big-time gifts. I don’t have any great abilities. Other people have training and know what they’re doing. Not me. I’m just not that important. It might even be wrong for me to get in their way.”

Too many obstacles. “I’ve got so many things going on in my life right now—work, family, health stuff, all of it—I don’t really have time. And I don’t see it changing anytime soon.”

Believe me, I’ve heard all these lies and dodges before. They’re as old as time, because the enemy will do anything to convince you that God has lost the scent and given up on you.

But just you try staying hidden behind these shadowy half-truths. Just you try imagining you’re out of sight, out of mind. Just you try giving in to the unreality that your home and heart are off His grid, out of His hunting zone.

Because, listen. Can you hear it? It’s the panting of the hound of heaven, running full-speed, headed your way, chasing you down. Following you “all the days” of your life—not to rip into you, but to restore you and refresh you, to overwhelm all of life’s badness with His “goodness.”

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Journal

  • Which of these fears and excuses have sometimes convinced you that God’s “goodness and mercy” are not coming for you anymore?
  • How different would your life be, even today, if you wholeheartedly embraced this truth?

Pray
Lord God, I believe Your Word, even when I doubt myself. I believe what You have done to claim me as Your own, even when I too often resist You and choose my own way. Thank You for loving me enough to want me experiencing the full blessing of relationship with You. And thank You for relentlessly pursuing me until I’m actively living in it. In Jesus’ name, amen.

article source: https://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/devotionals/2017-09-15/

 

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Compromised Leaders, Encouragement, For Parents, Forgiveness, God's Grace and Mercy, Ministers in bondage.

Watching Porn can Literally Change your Brain

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Another great article from the folks at Fight The New Drug, (www.fightthenewdrug.org), enjoy:

Science is finally catching up with the truth and its findings cannot be ignored: porn is harmful. Did you know that porn can mess with your head, actually rewiring the actual chemistry of your brain?

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (a chemical that relays messages to and from the brain) and it is central to our brain’s understanding of rewards and pleasure. It is released when we experience pleasure (could be anything from eating a delicious meal or watching a comedy to shooting up heroin or watching porn) and of course it makes us feel good. Normally, this release of dopamine is a good thing; it helps our brains to recognize things that keep us happy and healthy, and it is one of the chemicals that allows us to form relationships and fall in love.

On the flip side, an oversupply of dopamine can be triggered when the pleasure stimulus is too frequent or too prolonged (as is the case with all addictions) or unnaturally stimulating. When it comes to porn, think about the hours and hours that can be spent clicking on new videos and shocking the mind with every type of sex imaginable and unimaginable. You better believe that this habit is unnaturally stimulating to the viewer and forces a prolonged rush of pleasure chemicals in their brain. And what happens is that this causes the brain becomes desensitized to dopamine, which is majorly bad news.

The reason why this is so harmful to the brain is because the end result of dopamine desensitization is that the brain no longer recognizes the pleasure signals. In order to adjust to this frequent and prolonged chemical release, the neuroconnectors in our brain have to lessen. When the brain is no longer recognizing the dopamine release (the reward) from its usual stimulus, it craves stronger and more frequent hits to feel something. This desire can become quite consuming, causing obsessive behavior and detracting focus from other important areas. Worst of all, it fuels habitual use, or even addiction, and makes the compulsion (that must have it now! feeling) stronger than ever.

Related: Psychologist – Teenage Brains, Porn, & Video Games Are A Bad Mix

Addiction of any kind—alcohol, drugs, porn, whatever it may be—is a huge cause of dopamine desensitization. And if that’s not enough, addiction or compulsively watching can also cause dysfunction in the stress circuits of your brain. Dysfunction in stress circuitry means that stress of any kind, be it physical (illness) or emotional (a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend), makes the addict especially prone to seeking out that behavior to numb the pain. Relapsing, of course, means further exposing the brain to the addictive stimulus, which brings on more dysfunction in the stress circuits, which means more susceptibility to relapse… and we’re back at square one.

Your frontal cortex is the part of your brain that directs ­tasks like decision­ making, problem­ solving, planning, weighing pros and cons, focusing, and controlling impulses (you know, like the urge to yell at your boss or eat an entire chocolate cake). Decreases in the function of your brain’s reward circuits can cause activity in your frontal cortex to start plummeting too. Bam. Now your frontal cortex is operating below what it should, and your ability to perform all those important decision making functions will suffer. This can make things pretty difficult when you need to solve problems in your relationships, make decisions at work, focus on your schoolwork, or just make overall healthy life choices. Not good.

Related: The Serious Mental Costs of Watching Porn

And then, of course, the stress of realizing you have these problems is only going to wreak havoc on your already­ malfunctioning stress circuits. Your brain’s going to crave porn to forget about the stress and the resulting dopamine release won’t fully register because it’s desensitized…and on and on the cycle of the porn habit goes.

This ugly cycle drives the viewer further and further into a porn struggle, and farther away from a happy, healthy, and passionate life. So the next time you think watching porn is harmless, think again. It can mess with your head—literally.

article source: http://fightthenewdrug.org/watching-porn-can-mess-brain-v2/?utm_expid=19046507-1.HyXL65kBT7a6WMmRQWBZQw.1&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=organic_social&utm_campaign=ftnd_general&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FfHisbel8E5

 

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Compromised Leaders, Ministers in bondage, Pornography is Addictive, Understanding Your Addiction, Wives of Porn Addicts.

Confessing your porn addiction… to your spouse

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Another great article from the Covenant Eyes blog:

Surviving the Worst Day of Your Life: How to Confess Your Porn Addiction to Your Spouse

 Thursday, June 18, 2015 | Written by

September 9, 2005 was the worst day of my life. Confronted by my church board leaders, I had to admit my addiction to porn and headed home to tell my wife and four children. I knew a major train wreck was about to happen, and there was nothing I could do. My sin had been found out and I had no idea of the consequences that were going to unfold.

It feels like the hardest thing in the world to do. You know this news is going to wound her deeply and you have used that as an excuse to not confess. You reason, “If I keep it a secret and she never knows your marriage will be better and I will be able to stop on my own.”

Look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Liar!”

The truth is you have already wounded her and your marriage. She just doesn’t know why there is this barrier between the two of you. Here is your reality.

Your use of porn is heart adultery according to Jesus in Matthew 5:28.
This has gone on for years and perhaps decades and you haven’t stopped.
You are scared to death of what this confession will do to her, you, and the family.
I understand your fears and I know it is the last thing you want to do. Yet, it has to be done…so what is the best way to tell her?

I lived in that world for years. Not until I resigned my position as a pastor and was forced to confess was I able to do it. Nine years later our marriage is still intact and God has healed our wounds and inhabits our brokenness every day. Getting through it with your marriage surviving can be helped or hindered by how you deal with your disclosure. So here are five things that will prove helpful to you.

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. What you plan on telling her will not be the same as what she will want to know. The truth is how often you act out using porn. The when and the where are important facts. The details are not. Too many details will be destructive for her in the long run.

Consider telling her in the presence of a counselor or pastor. Having someone there to help moderate the conversation can be helpful to things escalating and becoming worse. That third person should be made aware of what is going to happen in the meeting and should be someone your spouse is comfortable with.

Confession is the beginning of the long journey of recovery. Hopefully you are broken by your bad choices and desire to really stop and get the help you need to walk in purity. This is a reality most people want to minimize. Seeing this as a first step is good but having a plan for recovery helps give hope. Find what groups there are in your area that deal with sexual brokenness and make plans to attend consistently. You should plan on attending at least for one year.

Genuinely ask for forgiveness and be repentant. It will not be your words from which she will receive assurance. Talk is cheap. It will be a change in your behavior and seeing godly sorrow that will help her. She will feel that she cannot trust you…and that is normal. However, she needs to place her trust in God that whatever you do He will take care of her.
Realize that this will be traumatic for her and create desperation and wounding. Both of you would do well reading from this website and this book.
Nothing is going to make this easy. Looking back, I wish I had come forward and confessed before I was caught. If I were a better man I would have done so. However, the bottom line is you need to come clean. You need to be honest.

Your Father, your Lord and Savior, and the Spirit—your comforter and counselor—will walk you through it. You need to allow Him to begin dealing with putting the broken pieces together. It all begin with walking in the light of confession and repentance.

Over the past 9 years I have worked with many men trying to break free from this sexual sin. The support and encouragement from your wife will be a very helpful part of the process. However, that is a decision she will need to make on her own. What you do and how you act in the days following your confess will either help her come along side of you or push her away.

It is time to be a humble and loving servant to her as we are commanded to love our wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).

About the author, John Doyel

After 26 years in full time ministry John Doyel resigned his position as Senior Pastor in 2005 because of his sexual brokenness. For the past 10 years he has dedicated himself to helping men recover from sexual sin and return to God. He writes daily e-mails of encouragement to help believers recover—called 180 Recover—because we are told to encourage one another daily as long as it is called today. He also lead a recovery ministry at Vineyard Columbus called 180: Helping Sexually Broken Believers Return to God.

article source: The blog at covenanteyes.com

click here to read the article on Covenanteyes.com

 

This entry was posted in Accountability, Addicted Women, Compromised Leaders, Forgiveness, Ministers in bondage, Pornography is Addictive, Wives of Porn Addicts.

It’ s Not just a “guy thing” Anymore.

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Take a moment and look at the statistics below:

If you look closely through the numbers above, you will notice a few things:

  • The number of women, worldwide, who view pornography is greater than you may have expected.
  • The number of women who view pornography in the U.S. is towards the bottom of the list… but that is not reason to celebrate with a “U-S-A” chant.  The 2010 census reports that there were 157 million women in the United States.  Let me do the math for you:

25% of 157 million women = roughly 39.2 MILLION women who view porn in the USA

  • In countries where fewer men view pornography, the number of women who view pornography is higher.

What does all this mean?  Porn is a global problem, and an issue that is definitely no longer just a “guy thing.”  Men and women everywhere are viewing pornography and are being affected daily by its impact.  Whether sex trafficking, producing pornography, purchasing pornography, prostitution, or the victims of rape; women everywhere are affected by porn more now than ever.

Have you had the “sex” talk with your kids?  You may want to have the “why porn is harmful” talk with your girls… before they are exposed and before they become a statistic.  It is equally important to have these discussions with our boys, but as the title implies, the focus of this particular post was raising awareness that more and more women are regularly affected by and are users of pornography.

the graphic above was based on data compiled by a purveyor of pornographic material in their 2016 review of site traffic.  I have chosen not to mention the name or cite the webpage as not everything on that page is “safe” to see.  I assure you the data is good and reputable.


This entry was posted in Addicted Women, For Parents, Porn Stats, Pornography is Addictive, The Effect of Your Addiction on Others, Wives of Porn Addicts.

What Fuels Your Addiction?

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desentWhy do I do what I do?

You may ask yourself this question.  However, you may be asking the wrong question…

Your behaviors are not the source of the problem… it is your thoughts…

One of the first steps to recovering from an addiction is to correct negative ways of thinking and faulty or wrong belief systems.

In CBT, these are called negative schemas.  Changing how we think causes us to change what we believe.  Changing what we believe results in changes to our behaviors.  In my work with pornography addicts, one common goal is the attempt to repair and/or rebuild my clients’ worldview.

The following are ways of thinking that fuel [and perpetuate] sexual addictions.  Which of the following do you believe and tell yourself often?

  1. Normal sexual behaviors and desires are wrong.
  2. I am alone and no one will [or can] meet my needs.
  3. I must give in to sexual urges and desires they are too powerful for me to resist. [no choice]
  4. I am worthless, unlovable.
  5. I can only trust myself to meet my needs.
  6. My sexual needs are my most important needs.
  7. I am powerless to control my life. [I am not responsible for my actions]
  8. I am a dirty pervert.
  9. Others exist to meet my needs because I deserve it.
  10. Others entice me and I cannot help myself.  [I am not responsible for my actions]
  11. Others are here for my pleasure.
  12. If no one sees [what I do], it does not matter.
  13. If no one knows [what I do] it cannot hurt them.
  14. I cannot live without sexual release.
  15. I cannot live without my addiction.  [It is who I am]
  16. I am not hurting anyone by watching porn.
  17. It is nobody’s business what I do with my own body.
  18. I am not capable of handling my own life.
  19. I am unattractive, stupid, ugly, unlovable…
  20. I cannot be free…

If you believe any of the above statements, you are believing lies.  Seek truth.  Seek help.

Whether you are a Christian or not, you will eventually (if you haven’t already) realize that you do not have the strength to overcome your addiction on your own.  I challenge everyone to  Seek God for His help in this time; for He is the only true source of limitless help and strength.  If you don’t know Him, you can… right now.  Start Here:

9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.  13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  (Romans 10:9-10; 13 NLT)

In addition to seeking the Lord, enlist the help of other people.  Admit it.  You have an addiction.  If you could quit you already would have quit.  You need help overcoming an addiction to pornography, and you need others to hold you accountable.  You may need someone to show you the path to recovery.  If so, please reach out to a local counselor/therapist with experience treating sexual addictions.  Start your journey to freedom… today.

If you are looking for help recovering, and live in the Upstate of SC, consider reaching out:

I currently serve as Counseling Pastor for a church in the upstate of South Carolina.  I hold a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Liberty University.  I am awaiting my scheduled time to sit for the SC LMFT-I licensing exam.

It is my goal to help rebuild broken lives and families from the inside-out through awakening and fostering a relationship with Jesus Christ. I specialize in helping men recover from addictions to sex and pornography.  I run a support group for recovering men on Wednesday nights at 6:30pm.

email: michaelwatsoncounseling@gmail.com

This entry was posted in Accountability, Addicted Women, Compromised Leaders, God's Grace and Mercy, Ministers in bondage, Pornography is Addictive, The Effect of Your Addiction on Others, The Way Out, Understanding Your Addiction, Wives of Porn Addicts.

7 Lies I Believed When I Still Watched Porn

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The following is an article from the Covenant Eyes blog:

 Tuesday, April 5, 2016 | Written by

As someone who was once deeply trapped in the web of pornography, I can now look back and recognize several lies I believed without question during that time. Since sharing my story with many people over the years, I have found that these lies are not unique to my own story at all. Many of us have silently accepted these lies as truth, when they are anything but truth.

7 Lies I Believed

Lie #1: I can never tell anyone.

I didn’t think I could ever tell anyone of my porn addiction. I looked like I had it all together on the outside, and no one suspected what I was doing. I was sure that everyone would reject me if they found out my deep, dark secret. I had trouble admitting my struggle to myself, let alone anyone else. I repeatedly tried to stop watching porn on my own, but it never worked. I was convinced that telling someone would be a huge mistake.

TRUTH: My heart didn’t start to heal until I told someone.

Little did I realize, not telling anyone would have been my biggest mistake. Confessing my struggle is what helped set me free. Strongholds like pornography grow in the dark, and when they are brought into the light (telling someone) their chains start to loosen. I still had a long road ahead of me, but the day I confessed my struggle to my husband was the day my healing started. It was the scariest but one of the most important parts of my journey.

If you are struggling with pornography, I encourage you to pray about someone you can talk to. Telling someone may seem absolutely horrifying, but it will aid in your freedom. As long as you carry this secret sin on your own, it will eat you alive from the inside out. Telling someone breaks off part of the stronghold and allows the process of healing to begin.

Lie #2: I don’t know any other women who struggle with pornography.

I thought I was the only Christian woman who struggled in this way. I felt like a freak of nature. When I searched for help online, all I found were resources for men and support for women whose husbands were addicted. I felt so alone. Any sermon I had ever heard preached on pornography (which wasn’t very often) was in reference to men. Believing I was the only woman I knew who was trapped in this struggle increased the shame I already felt so deeply.

TRUTH: Most likely, there are other women in your own church and maybe even in your own circle of friends who secretly know all too well what you are dealing with.

When I first shared my story on my blog, I started receiving emails from other women who were also struggling. In addition, I had a few women in my own life who confessed their addictions to pornography to me once they heard of my own. Many thought they were alone until they heard the testimony of another woman who finally spoke up. Be encouraged! There are many women, like myself, who have found healing in their lives and freedom from pornography. This is available for you, too!

Lie #3: I am attracted to the women in porn. I must be a lesbian.

I was drawn to lesbian porn from the beginning, which did nothing but escalate the questions I already had concerning my sexual identity. Before I knew it, I was fantasizing about it all the time. After doing this repeatedly, I became convinced that I must be gay. (Why else would I be watching lesbian porn, right?) This made it even more difficult for me to confess to someone that I was trapped. I felt such shame and embarrassment. I was a married to an amazing Christian man, yet I was indulging in lesbian porn. I felt like two different people, and I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Over the last several years, I have talked with many women who question their sexuality. They have no desire to be with a woman in real life, but they find themselves aroused by the women they see in pornography. Many of them never questioned their sexuality until after they started looking at porn. (This is so much more common than you may think.)

TRUTH: If you started questioning your sexuality after watching porn, please let me encourage you: this does not mean you are gay.

As women, we put ourselves in the place of the women we see in porn. We want to look like them, or we even imagine being sexually desired in that same way. Mix in the heightened sexual arousal that pornography is designed to provoke, and it is no wonder many women start questioning their sexuality afterwards. Pornography warps our view of sex, sexuality and what true intimacy is. This is one of the reasons it is so important to know who God created us to be. The enemy can be relentless in attacking our identity. We are going to be led all over the place in directions we were never meant to go if we don’t know and embrace our true identity in Christ.

Lie #4: God must hate me.

I felt such guilt and shame for the pornography I continued to seek after. I believed God was angry with me, and I was convinced He turned away from me. I was absolutely disgusted with myself, and I couldn’t imagine that He felt any differently. I pictured myself turning to Him for help, but all I envisioned was Him pointing His finger in my face and walking away from me. I was aware of how destructive my actions had become. I felt so ashamed and thought I went too far to receive His grace, mercy or forgiveness.

TRUTH: It was only through God’s forgiveness, grace and love for me that I was able to begin the journey of Him healing my heart so I could be set free.

God certainly did not approve of my sin, but I didn’t realize He was not going to turn away from me when I reached out to Him for help. Did I mess up along the way? Yes. As I learned how to seek Him first and keep my eyes on Him, I started to see much more progress along the way. Knowing that God was my strength and that He would never give up on me gave me the determination I needed to persevere during the toughest of times.

Lie #5: There is something wrong with me. I cannot stop craving porn.

I craved pornography all the time. When I would stop trying to watch it, my mind was on constant replay of all the scenes I had previously watched. I lived in a fantasy world. It numbed the feelings I did not want, and it also helped me to escape into a world I could never get enough of.

I was convinced there was something very wrong with me, because I kept craving the very scenes that I hated myself for.

TRUTH: What I was truly craving was the intimacy God created me to have.

Porn is a very cheap imitation of what God designed sex and intimacy to be. I tried to let pornography fill a deep need I had inside of me, but God started showing me I was settling for a counterfeit. I always heard that God could fill all of my needs, but how could God fill a need in me that was so corrupt? It didn’t seem possible that a holy God could fill something in me that was anything but holy. This is when He started showing me that what I really wanted, needed and craved was intimacy.

Do you crave porn? You were created to experience an intimate relationship with God that runs deeper than anything else you could experience on this earth. This is why pornography never fills you up for long, and it is never enough. I encourage you to pray and ask God to reveal what intimacy with Him is. You are hard-wired for it. If you are reading these words, it is not too late for you to know the depth and satisfaction that comes with an intimate relationship with Him. There is nothing like it!

Lie #6: “I feel numb, and porn helps me to feel something.”

In an effort to turn off my lustful thoughts and attractions, I inadvertently turned off many of my emotions. My heart was also wounded in so many ways, and part of it shut down somewhere along the way. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I wanted to feel something again but didn’t know how to. When I turned to porn, it awakened feelings in me that felt like life to me. It made me feel alive, even though I knew it was so destructive. The exhilaration that came with viewing porn made it incredibly alluring to me when I otherwise felt so numb.

TRUTH: Porn was only a temporary fix that led me further away from the joy I was seeking.

Looking at porn brought temporary feelings of exhilaration, but it quickly led to depression, despair, and feeling even more numb. I was stuck in a cycle of feeling numb, so I turned to porn, only to feel numb again. It was leading me further and further away from the joy I was seeking. I didn’t know how to stop what I was doing. It wasn’t until after I confessed to my husband that I was looking at porn and God started the process of cleaning out my heart that I started to feel joy again. The joy restored to me felt so clean and pure, unlike what porn offered me. It took cleaning out the junk in my heart to feel the pureness of joy again. This is something I never want to lose again!

Lie #7: It’s too late. I ruined my brain forever.

The more I tried to stop looking at porn, the more I realized how much I fantasized about it. My mind was on constant replay with many of the scenes and pictures I viewed, and I thought I had ruined my brain forever. Pornography did re-wire my brain in a way it was not wired to think and feel before.

Regret is not an adequate word to describe the pain I felt when I was repeatedly unable to rid myself of the compulsions and pictures in my mind I did not used to have. Many of you know exactly what I mean. I wanted to feel pure and not constantly be reminded of how I corrupted my mind had become. I wanted the marriage God designed me to have, but because of the horrific choices I made I was afraid it was too late.

TRUTH: I have found lasting healing for my heart and brain.

As I started taking steps to guard my eyes and my heart, I also started surrendering my thought life to God. As I was diligent in this, I started to find the hope I needed to see a future free of pornography. This was not an overnight process. There were times I felt like nothing was changing, but I kept moving forward. I can now say that my brain has not been ruined forever. Many of those images that were burned into my brain have subsided as I learned how to fight against them.

Do you recognize any lies that you have been believing?

I want to reiterate that if you are struggling with pornography and have not told anyone, please pray about who you can talk to. As God has healed my heart, I have been set free from a pornography addiction and the fantasies that go along with it. This has been a long process, but God has restored so much to me, and He can do the same for you.

About the author, Amy Riordan

Amy Riordan is a Christian writer and speaker with a desire to see women’s hearts healed and set free. Her passion is to inspire others to embrace who they were created and redeemed to be. Amy lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two children. She candidly shares her story on her blog, Walking in Freedom, encouraging women to pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus, the only One who can satisfy their deep longings for intimacy and connection

article source: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/04/05/7-lies-believed-still-watched-porn/?utm_campaign=your-brain-on-porn&utm_content=35540626&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter

 

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Pornography is Addictive, Understanding Your Addiction.

Confession of a church girl who reads porn

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The following article appeared on http://www.iamsecond.com.  I wanted to share it here, to highlight the fact that women are not immune to sexual addiction or the draw of pornography.  Additionally, this article sheds light on the truth… porn is addictive, destructive, and a tool of the Enemy used to steal, kill, and destroy.

 

I don’t know for sure if this is just a confession or also a cry for help. It’s probably both.

But I do know that I have a problem, a real problem, and I need to be open about it because it’s the things we do in secret, the things we try to solve on our own, that come to destroy us.

It would be easy to blame other things or other people for this problem, this growing addiction, this new hang-up that I have. But I know I bear responsibility too, because I’ve fed it. And I keep feeding it.

It started in middle school. I read a book excerpt about Queen Elizabeth I that talked about her having graphic sex with a man. It was my introduction to erotica and I was horrified. I went to bed and cried and promised God I would never so much as kiss a boy until I was engaged. I wanted nothing to do with this sex thing.

But that excerpt led to the fantasies, and the fantasies are what stuck with me.

I’ve been fantasizing about being kissed since I was in middle school; I’ve been dreaming about the day some boy would lock lips with me, my stomach would stutter then burst into flames, and my heart would leap and fireworks would explode behind my eyes.

The older I got, the more those fantasies grew out of control. And without anyone to kiss, I turned to TV, movies, and books to get my fix.

At first it was just kissing. I would re-read books that had those scenes. Actually, that’s a lie: I would re-read the kissing scenes in books and close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to kiss someone myself. I would put searches in Google for “best TV kisses,” “greatest kisses in literature,” “hottest movie kisses,” and I would watch or read the results avidly.

Until the day I didn’t search for “kiss,” I searched for “sex scene.”

Until the day I didn’t search for “kiss,” I searched for “sex scene.”

This past year has been interrupted with occasional searches. At first they were a few months apart, then a few weeks, then a few days.

I wouldn’t say I have a porn addiction, because I don’t watch porn, per se. I would say that I have a fascination with erotica, especially with literary erotica. I would say that I am addicted to the titillating, exciting written passages that describe a beautiful kiss or a sexual encounter.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, because I don’t have an answer. I’m not writing this piece to tell you how to overcome an addiction or a fascination, or at the very least to explain how God stepped in and saved me from those desires.

I’m also not writing this piece to scream about porn, premarital sex, and how to avoid them. It’s not a prescription — it’s a confession.

That said…I’m struggling with why I’m writing it. I promised myself that I would only write pieces when I felt God compelling me to do so, when I felt like I had a bite-sized revelation to share that could help someone.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t write pieces where I espouse my opinion and doctrine and tell you how to live. I don’t have that right.

Yet here I am, writing this piece, and the only reason I have is because I felt compelled to. Because when I’m online reading about sex, I sense something’s off. It’s not God’s disapproval or anger, but maybe it’s His sorrow? I sense that He is sad because He gave me guidelines. Guidelines I accepted. Guidelines He set out because He wants what’s best for me. And I’m disregarding them.

I guess I’m also writing it because nothing on the internet is sacred, not even your Google searches, not even the articles you read.

So before anyone gets the chance to “out” me as a reader of porn — straight porn, lesbian porn, you-name-it-literary-porn — I’m going to out myself.

Before anyone gets the chance to “out” me as a reader of porn I’m going to out myself.

Hi, I’m Karis. I’ve written 10 articles for I Am Second. I volunteer at church. I have even led groups at church. But I strive to be vulnerable in all aspects, so here I am telling you just how completely imperfect I am, just how broken and sinful I am. I am not perfect. I am not even OK.

I want you to know this about me so you know that when I speak I speak from a place of turmoil, of brokenness, of screwed-up-ness. I’m sure some of you will discount all of my words because of this.

But I hope that maybe, just maybe, my confession will show you that it’s OK to confess things, to be open about where we fail and fall short, because if there’s one thing God loves, it’s using someone who’s useless on their own.

And I’m writing this because that way I can be held accountable. I can be kept from going back. Because the more others know about my struggle, the better they’ll be able to help me and encourage me.

So I’m writing this for you and I’m writing it for me. And I’m writing it for God. Even as I’m finishing this article I feel a whole heap of terror about putting this to the world, but I also feel a bit of peace because I’m following my convictions to be vulnerable. I feel like God has his hand on my shoulder and is telling me He’ll walk with me and it’s going to be OK. He’s got me. He’s got you.

And in the end, I want that more than the porn.

Here is the link to the article: http://www.iamsecond.com/2016/06/confession-im-a-church-girl-that-reads-porn/

 

This entry was posted in Addicted Women, Pornography is Addictive.